Finally

Eureka is what is said when you have a lightbulb moment. I’m not sure what you say when you realize something insightful about yourself, “Eureka”? or you just ignore it and hope it goes away? Well I’ve never shied away from learning new things, even when those things are painful or difficult. So I finally realized what’s going on with me.

It’s been 2 months and I’m in love. In love with the most amazing man, kind, considerate, naughty, nice, intelligent and and and. A while ago I wrote about power in relationships and that I never want to be in the situation again where I give more than I get. I want to feel like #1, the most important person for him. I’m a all or nothing kind of girl, but the previous time I gave my all I was used and mistreated to the extent where I promised myself never again. Never again will I love anyone so completely, never again do I want my heart broken, never again. And then Grim came along and here I am, yet again. Prepared to do anything to see him, give up everything to be with him, do irrational things because I love him.

And I know he loves me but I thought that about the X too and how wrong I was. I want to know for sure that he is as crazy about me as I am for him. That he wants to be with me above any rational thought and with total disregard for everything and everyone else. That he will do crazy things because he loves me. And until I feel and see that, I will do nothing. Because I’m scared. There, I said it, I’m scared. Scared to have my heart broken again, scared to be powerless, scared to give all and receive nothing.

“I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her”