Finally

Eureka is what is said when you have a lightbulb moment. I’m not sure what you say when you realize something insightful about yourself, “Eureka”? or you just ignore it and hope it goes away? Well I’ve never shied away from learning new things, even when those things are painful or difficult. So I finally realized what’s going on with me.

It’s been 2 months and I’m in love. In love with the most amazing man, kind, considerate, naughty, nice, intelligent and and and. A while ago I wrote about power in relationships and that I never want to be in the situation again where I give more than I get. I want to feel like #1, the most important person for him. I’m a all or nothing kind of girl, but the previous time I gave my all I was used and mistreated to the extent where I promised myself never again. Never again will I love anyone so completely, never again do I want my heart broken, never again. And then Grim came along and here I am, yet again. Prepared to do anything to see him, give up everything to be with him, do irrational things because I love him.

And I know he loves me but I thought that about the X too and how wrong I was. I want to know for sure that he is as crazy about me as I am for him. That he wants to be with me above any rational thought and with total disregard for everything and everyone else. That he will do crazy things because he loves me. And until I feel and see that, I will do nothing. Because I’m scared. There, I said it, I’m scared. Scared to have my heart broken again, scared to be powerless, scared to give all and receive nothing.

I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her”

Good things

…….come to those who wait.

How true is this?  Something people say, but I’ve never really understood the concept, to me it has always been: Go out, fight for the thing(s) you want and if it doesn’t happen, then it wasn’t meant to be.  A while ago, in my post “Despacito“, I wrote about my impatience and how I constantly need to remind myself to be patient.  Since then I met the man I can see my future with and if nothing else, he has taught me (and is doing so every day still) to be patient, to take things slow, to stop forcing things.

Grim, this is for you:

I love you with all my heart, all my soul, all my life.  I never want anyone other than you ever again.  I’m so sorry I’ve been difficult this past week.  I’m so sorry I’ve added to the stress of moving and not rather supported you.  I’ve made my position on the moving forward of our relationship clear and now I’m going to back off and let you take the reigns.  I’m not promising not to be impatient anymore, because that is part of who I am, but I do promise to try harder.  I’m done being difficult, I will go with the flow.  I don’t want to focus as hard on the destination, I want to enjoy the journey.  And we have had some amazing experiences so far and many many more to come.  Go enjoy your bike-trip, take lots of photos and come back to me, I’ll be waiting.

Polities (on)korrek

Dankie Hester weer-eens ‘n lekker eier-lê uitdaging wat jy uitgedink het (ek het gedog ons gaan oor vakansie skryf, maar helaas)

Met die onlangse t-hempie krisis en al die grappie-meme’s daarna, is dit nou hoogmode om na niks meer as swart en wit te verwys nie.  Die woorde bobbejaan en aap is ook nou total onvanpas.  Silwer randjie dat shop-soiled specials by alle H&M takke aangebied word na die EFF die winkels geplunder het en die polisie net toegekyk het.

Met my groot mond en gee-nie-‘n-f-om persoonlikheid, het ek ook al ‘n paar keer in die sop beland.  Jare gelede by my vorige maatskappy, het hulle ‘n proeflopie EE-taakspan bymekaargesit om te kyk of die verskillende rasse en kulture mekaar beter kon verstaan.  Nou ek was die verteenwoordiger van die Afrikaanse vroue (net daar moes hulle al geweet het hkgk) en die een swartman wou toe van my weet of my dogter (16) met sy seun (18) mag uitgaan.  Die skok het sy oë groot getrek toe ek pront-uit sê “Hel, nee”  Reaksies van “Dis rassisties” het die eksterne konsultant na sy beste metode-boeke laat gryp en hy het gevra ek moet verduidelik.  Nou dit was maklik, ek wil vir my kind net die beste hê (en almal het saamgestem), twee mense wat ewe oud is, dieselfde taal praat en na dieselfde kerk toe gaan, het al klaar aanpassingsprobleme wanneer hulle trou (weer stem almal saam).  So as sy met ‘n Ingelse laaitie by die huis aankom weet ek mos dat die kulture en opvoedings gaan verskil.  Nogtemeer as sy met iemand van ‘n ander kleur daar opdaag, van binne en buite die familie gaan hulle teenkanting kry en dis mos nie wat ek vir haar wil hê nie?  As dit nou gebeur dat dit gebeur (of dat sy gay is of wat ook al), sal ek nog steeds vir haar lief wees, maar as dit MY keuse is?  Nee

‘n Jaar of wat later vat ek die span vir ‘n Krismis-ete vir ‘n bootvaart op die Vaalrivier.  ‘n Klomp van ons sit-lê, na ‘n paar drankies, op stoele op die dak van die boot.  Die son brand lekker warm en ek sien my wit velletjie verkleur na so pienkerig toe.  Nou natuurlik moet ek vir een van die swart dames vra:  “Swart klere wat in die son hang verbleik mos, so wanneer jy in die son lê, word jy witter of swarter?”  Eers rek so paar oë weer, maar hulle sien toe ek is regtig nuuskierig hier-oor en antwoord “Swarter, het jy nog nie gesien hoe lyk die Nigeriërs nie?”

Polities-onkorrek en vrek nuuskierig werk nie lekker saam nie.

WhatsApp Image 2018-01-20 at 8.57.12 AM

Om die inskrywings van verskillende bloggers in Lê-Jou-Eier te geniet of om self ‘n eier te kom lê wat ons kan uitbroei en grootmaak, klik op die paddatjie of die InLinkz skakel net daaronder:

http://www.inlinkz.com/new/view.php?id=762615

Vir die reëls van hierdie eier-boerdery, om raad te kry oor hoe om deel te neem en om elke week se aankondiging van die nuwe onderwerp te sien, besoek die volgende skakel by Dis Ekke. Onder hierdie kategorie, kyk na die blogposte Lê-Jou-Eier: Reëls (2017-08-22) en Lê-Jou-Eier: Hoe neem ek deel? (2017-08-22).

Lessons learnt

After yesterday’s royal fuck-up, a few things to just note down, before my feeble mind forgets:

  • I’ve learnt this but forgotten – What do confused people do?  They stop.  They stop any and all activities and wait for the confusion to clear up.
  • More so: What do confused, hurt people do?  They stop, turn around and run in the opposite direction.
  • Clear up confusion as far as possible, before it spirals into a big thing.
  • Talk about what is bothering you, preferably in person and before it becomes a wall.
  • Don’t be hard-arsed headed.
  • Don’t drink sleeping tablets and pick up the phone, you will not remember the call, even less what was said.
  • WhatsApp and Facebook are NOT communication tools, they can only be used to convey messages that are very clear.  Face to face(1st place) or phone calls(2nd place) are always better.
  • If you are unsure about what was meant by a WA or FB message – ASK, don’t assume.  Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.
  • Unexplained emotional outbursts will occur, relationships are emotional in nature, so are the people involved.  Try to get to the reason for the outburst.  No use trying to treat the symptoms.
  • Don’t over-analyze.
  • This connection we have is way to good to throw away, fight for it.
  • If you have to fight your partner to save the relationship, do it.  Make them hear your side of the story.

T’s&C’s

Whether we like it or not, terms and conditions are part of our life.  Even in relationships, there are T’s&C’s.  Sometimes they are regulated by an official agreement (marriage contract etc), but mostly the rules are made up as we go along.  Rules also don’t mean only big things like thou shalt not lie or cheat, they also encompass the little things like who makes the coffee, or who cooks, who discipline the kids (or in our case, the dogs).

To be honest I’m a all-or-nothing type of girl, has always been.  When I’m in a relationship I want to see the other person every day, I want to do everything with them, I don’t mind broadcasting my love to the world.  Grim is much more reserved, much more of a lets-take-it-slow kind of guy.  So throughout our relationship, it tend to be me who do the planning of what to do and where to go and him going along with it or sometimes asking me to go somewhere with him when he’s made plans already.  This has worked well so far, but yesterday on our 2 month anniversary, I wanted to write a blog and started to think about what I should say.  I then realised that every time this has moved forward, it has been me that initiated it.  I changed our relationship status and he (with his kids’ help) approved, I’m the one saying I want to see you, he goes with the flow and sometimes makes comments like “Maybe a quiet night at home?”.  I said that I’m willing to re-locate with him to his stand in De Rust, he didn’t ask me to.  I even said to him that I would marry him one day, where-after he said that one day he would ask me.

Now I can’t help but wonder if I’m pushing too hard.  I know that he is currently in the process of moving house.  Moving out of the house him and his previous partner designed, built and lived in together.  Not only is it a busy time for him, but he also needs to deal with the emotions of ending an era.  On top of this, his kids are giving him all sorts of trouble.  And the cherry on top (no pun intended) is me demanding some attention and reassurance.  I realise all this, but can’t help the emotional roller-coaster I just can’t get off.

Am I again over-thinking this?  Over-analyzing the “Thank you for the friendship and incredible journey” comment which didn’t contain a public “I love you”?  Where can I change the T’s & C’s?

So I’m giving him space, not pushing anymore, hard as it is for me, driver that I am.  Waiting until he takes the initiative.  Is this the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning?  Only time will tell

Could it be?

Only 2 months since we changed our relationship status on facebook (and if facebook says so, it must be true).  It feels like longer, maybe because we spend so much time in each other’s company, maybe because you feel like an extension of me.  Anyhow, it has been 2 months today.

And this morning I forgot, you did too.  So I posted a facebook status about the 2 months and maybe I said too much there.  Too much about forever.  And then you only liked it, no comment.  I know, I know, you’re busy moving house, your geyser burst, your daughter is giving you hell.  And then you commented on something else I posted.  And I started thinking (which is never a good thing, because I over-think, over-analyze and then come to the wrong conclusions) about us.  You never actually asked me to be in a relationship, things just happened.  And even though we have started speaking about long term plans to move to the Karoo, maybe you don’t want that anymore and just don’t want to tell me.  So I made a scene, deleted the post, was bitchy to you.  And all this because you only liked the post.  You tried to explain that you posted a comment, but at that stage I didn’t want to hear it.

Shit this social media thing is complicated, when we communicate face to face I always know you love me.  So I’m sorry for being stupid and emotional and stupid.  And happy two months.

Long may it last

 

Affair?

Someone on one of the singles groups asked the following question today: Is it cheating when you chat with another person of the opposite sex, whilst in a relationship?  And someone else posted a link to an extremely interesting website/blog https://gesondeseks.com/2013/04/24/is-ek-besig-met-n-affair-as-ek-met-ander-vrouens-sms-skype-bbm-mxit-whatsapp-facebook-tweet-chat/

Seeing as this blog is all in Afrikaans, here are some of the things he says:

A cyber relationship is 10x more dangerous than an addiction to porn.  Why?  The chances of you ever having real sex with a porn star is zero, whilst chatting online can lead to the real thing.  But we are only chatting…. Yes you’re chatting and getting to know each other, isn’t that what you’ve done with your partner before a relationship started?  But we talk a lot about our spouses/partners…. If you’re not talking to a therapist about the things that bothers you about your partner, you’re either looking for attention or looking for a fixer.  Before the internet, affairs happened with people you know, work-colleagues, friends, casual acquaintances, but today the possibilities are limitless.  Cyber-space has provided us with an affair-buffet.

In another article he is saying that Social media is the new mistress(skelmpie) in each relationship.  Ethical behaviour has changed with the introduction of social media and each relationship needs rules around the rules that are acceptable to you and your partner regarding the usage and interaction (especially with the opposite sex) on social media.

I’m now definitely following this blog.  This man and his wife runs the blog posts together and has some practical everyday advise.

I love you more….

You often ask me the question “Why do you love me?” and I very seldom have an answer that makes any sense, to myself, or to you.  I just know I do.  The strangest thing about this love is that I know you love me too.  I’ve often asked myself the question too and even more so, how is it possible to love you more as every day passes.  Surely by now there should have been some things about you that I don’t like.  And strangely, there is, but I love you still.  Even the small things I don’t like just can’t overshadow the overwhelming sense of belonging I feel with you.  The incredible feeling of peace I have in my heart when I’m with you.  The urge to share anything and everything with you, before with anyone else in this world.

I really think that I had no idea the meaning of true love before I met you.  I didn’t know the meaning of the poems and the love songs.  I just had no idea.

Would I have recognised this love when I was younger?  I don’t think I would have.  Only with a little bit of age, maturity and lots of lessons learnt is it possible to finally see it, appreciate it, feel it.

Yesterday the bike spit me off at 80 km/h.  Today I’m sore and stiff, but it could’ve been so much worse.  A few bruises and aches and pains are the only physical evidence of the accident.  Thank goodness you were there, to calm me down, to check the bike, to make me act brave and get on the bike, otherwise I would probably never ride the bike again and I like riding the bike.  I struggled to sleep yesterday evening, not only were you not next to me, I also saw the accident every time I closed my eyes.  I think it is my mind trying to reconstruct the thing in order to deal with it.  The only way I could finally fall to sleep is by actively thinking about you, about us.  Our future in the Karoo, together every day.  Working side-by-side, living smaller and loving larger.  I’m so glad for you in my life, my friend, my partner, my lover.  You complete me in ways that I never thought needed completeness.

I love you more every day.

Long may it last”

Manscaping (mannewales met manhare)

Siende dat manscaping nie vertaal kan word nie, sal ek maar die 2 woorde individueel vertaal.  Gebruik ek Landscaping kom ek uit by: Die Afrikaanse Taalkommissie   Die Tuinbouwoordeboek geen vir die werkwoord “landscape” die vertaling “belandskap” en vir die term “landscaping” gee hy “landskappering, buite-ontwerp, terreinverfraaiing”. [TomMcL].  Wanneer ek dan land met man vervang – Manverfraaiing.  Oeg nee, ek hou meer van Storieklong se “Ontboggoming”

In elk geval, soos meeste ander kan dit my min skeel hoeveel hare die man in my lewe het, solank dit netjies lyk, het ek nie regtig ‘n saak nie.  XX het vroeg sy hare verloor en het toe die baie kortgeskeerde kop-ding gedoen, later jare het hy so ‘n bokbaardjie gegroei en dit was ok.  X was ‘n regte metro-sexual.  Hy kon geen hare op homself (en op my) verdra nie, hy het gewaks, alles gewaks, met bloedstollende gille en al, siende dat hy baie harig was.  Dit wat nie gewaks is nie, is met haarverwyderings-room verwyder.  Die probleem van beide waks en room is dat dit nogal seer ingroei-hare veroorsaak.

Grim hou van die hare op sy kop kort en netjies, hy het ook ‘n snor en baard, wat hy kort hou.  Geen ander hare word verwyder nie.  Die enigste problem met sy borshare is dat dit my kielie wanneer ons cuddle, maar ek moet sê kielie is beter as stekelrig.  Grim lyk vir my na ‘n jonger Kenny Rogers

Celebrity-Kenny-Rogers-Awful-Plastic-Surgery

Sy blou-blou oë is vir my die mooiste uiterlike ding.  Dit maak my ‘n oë mens eerder as ‘n hare mens.